If you’re anything like me and you personally identify as a zombie, you probably experience the life-ruining power of sleep disorders every night of your life. I can tell you from experience that sleeping approximately never takes a toll on just about every aspect of life, and I know that all of my insomniac brothers and sisters out there feel me on that.
As such, sleep-challenged folk the world over hold these truths to be self evident. Let’s take a trip down solidarity lane, shall we?
1. You’ve memorized every nook and cranny in your ceiling.
Insomniacs share a special (read: terrible) bond with their ceilings, since bedtime is actually stare-into-the-void-and-question-your-will-to-live time.
2. You have an existential crisis every time someone complains about “only” getting 4 hours of sleep.
I’m lucky if I get four hours of sleep over the course of a week. Get at me, boo.
3. Under-eye concealer is your BFF.
Nothing says “I’m not dead, I promise” quite like packing on some concealer and pretending that you don’t need medical attention.
4. Advice from non-insomniacs is never good, and never welcome.
“Just sleep,” they said. “You probably didn’t think of that 10 years ago,” they said.
5. Asking your health insurance to cover a sleep study results in the agent saying something along the lines of “LOLNOBYE.”
Just hang up the phone and pretend it didn’t happen.
6. You can’t drink coffee after 10 in the morning, even though it’s the only thing keeping you alive.
My mind is tellin’ me no, but my body’s tellin’ me I’m close to death and I need it and nothing is fair.
7. The sound of someone thinking about breathing three apartments over is enough to wake you up.
Even on those miraculous nights when you do somehow fall asleep, the sound of any human trying to exist within a 40-mile radius will shut that nonsense down.
8. You love hearing about how the use of sleeping pills leads to severe dementia except you don’t love hearing that even a little bit.
Just let me live in blissful ignorance, okay? Okay?
9. Sharing a bed with someone is a waking nightmare (because sleeping nightmares are off the table).
Here’s how your bedmate feels when you start cursing the gods while they try to sleep like a human being.
10. People who purposely stay up and then complain about their “insomnia” make you want to set everything on fire.
Just burn it down.
11. You’ll never know what it’s like to look forward to bedtime.
Oh, you want to marry your bed? Because I want to give mine the fiery death it deserves.
It’s not that bad, folks! Kidding, it totally is. Sure, no one in your life who sleeps like a regular person will ever understand how you feel, but at least there’s the Internet…right?
If you need me, I’ll be looking into the possibility of hooking up some intravenous caffeine. I feel like that’s probably a thing.
Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/insomnia-problems/